I've come down with a bad case of mum guilt today.
Today is my day off. At the moment, I get two days off a week. This week, today is one of them.
Usually I try to do something fun with the kids when I'm not working. A nature walk. The beach. A playground or two. That kind of thing. Except that this morning I looked around my house and I got this dreadful, twitchy feeling
My house, to put it bluntly, is a fucking shit tip.
There is random crap all over the place. There's probably even actual crap somewhere. Everybody is running out of clean clothes and everything feels just a bit… sticky.
The only trouble is, I can't clean the house AND do something fun with the kids. So today I feel guilty because if I take the kids out I'm neglecting the house, and if I clean the house I'm neglecting the kids.
What I need is the ability to split myself into useful, house-cleaning mum and fun, child-wrangling mum. Or a cleaner.
I probably need a cleaner.
Also on the list of things I feel guilty about today:
Literally shoving N out of the door this morning.
The fact that I've shouted at my kids at least twice to leave each other alone.
Inadvertently thwacking O around the head with the vacuum cleaner nozzle.
Turning on CBeebies.
Feeling secretly glad that it has rained and is therefore too wet to go to a playground right now.
Sitting here writing this and drinking a cup of tea.
I'll probably also feel guilty about whatever I feed the kids for lunch soon because it's unlikely to be either imaginative or particularly nutritionally balanced.
It can't be just me, can it? I mean, I open up Instagram and I see tonnes of posts featuring a day out with the kids or a crafty afternoon at the kitchen table and nobody else's house ever looks a mess. Nobody else ever has that haunted look of a person who knows their home resembles the aftermath of nuclear warfare whilst they sit on a picnic rug and enjoy quality time with their offspring.
Some days I feel like I'm just not cut out for the job of being a Person In The World.